Posted tagged ‘kristen stewart’

Action Movie Daughters Always Get Hot

November 9, 2010

Every movie genre follows certain clichés and formulas, but one of my favorites is the action movie daughter (wow that makes me sound creepy). But I think you know what I mean. Our lead character is a macho cop/mercenary/soldier/sheriff/spy who happens to have an adorable daughter who proves to be convenient hostage-bait around the 75-minute mark. But moving beyond that cliché, I noticed that many of the girls who played these daughters went on to illustrious careers as actresses and Maxim magazine centerfolds. Some of these examples are from the most beloved action films of the ’80s and ’90s, while others are a bit more obscure.

Let’s see what became of our heroes’ female offspring…

Commando – Jenny, the daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character…

…was played by Alyssa Milano. Who turned into this…

Under Siege 2 – Sarah, the daughter of Steven Seagal’s character…

Was played by Katherine Heigl:

Airspeed – Nicole, the daughter of Joe Mantegna’s character…

Was played by Elisha Cuthbert, who turned into this…

The Last Boy Scout – Darian, the daughter of Bruce Willis’s character…

(more…)

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MTV Movie Awards: An Awkward Mix of Kids and Curse Words

June 7, 2010

The MTV Movie Awards were last night, and The Twilight Saga: New Moon swept the show, winning Best Movie, Best Actress, and Best Other Shit. I haven’t seen the movie, so I can’t really bitch about it winning, but I will bitch about something else. Year after year, the MTV Movie Awards try to remain relevant and edgy. They get a cool comedian to host (this year it was Aziz Ansari), they roll out a couple of “fucks” and show Christina Aguilera’s glow-in-the-dark vagina. And yet based on the movies that have actually been winning over the last few years, it seems like the voters (and viewers) are too young to know what a vagina is, let alone be able to appreciate a glow-in-the-dark one. Let me elaborate…

The Best Movie winners of the last six years were:

2005- Napoleon Dynamite
2006- Wedding Crashers
2007- Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
2008- Transformers
2009– Twilight
2010- New Moon

Now compare these movies with the Best Movie winners of the award show’s first six years:

1992- Terminator 2: Judgement Day
1993- A Few Good Men
1994- Menace II Society
1995- Pulp Fiction
1996- Seven
1997- Scream

Every single winner from 1992 to 1998 (when Titanic won), was R-rated. They were dark, unique, thought-provoking, and shockingly not even based on theme park rides.


Gritty urban R-rated drama: Best Movie of the year.


Johnny Depp running from sea monkeys: just as good.

Now, I liked Wedding Crashers and thought the first Transformers was very entertaining. I understand that both Twilight and Napoleon Dynamite have loyal followings. But compared to the more adult-oriented films that used to win, it seems that the MTV Movie Awards audience is bleeding over from the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards (which, believe it or not, also awarded Best Movie to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest in 2007.) It just seems an award show that consistently nominates the best lesbian kiss of the year probably shouldn’t also be giving awards to Disney movies.

The actors have followed a similar trend. The “Best Performance” categories have slowly turned into “Most Likely to Be on Your Son or Daughter’s Tiger Beat Magazine Cover”. This year, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson both won for New Moon. The other nominees included Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, Amanda Seyfried, Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe, and Channing Tatum. Yes, Channing Tatum. Nominated. For acting.

Sarah Michelle Gellar won Best Female Performance for Cruel Intentions in 2000 by playing a coke-addicted teen slut who tries to fuck her own stepbrother; while the last two years have seen Kristen Stewart winning for an abstinence parable written by a Mormon. In 1994, Tom Hanks won Best Male Performance for Philadelphia. Last year the same award went to Zac Efron for High School Musical 3.


Equally moving portrayals of tormented homosexual men.

I understand that most things in the media are directed towards a youthful audience, but MTV needs to stop mixing messages: either pander to the ten-year olds and become another Disney Channel, or go back to showing teenagers what happens when a group of young, ethnic stereotypes give each other herpes at beach houses.

Or another novel idea: play some goddamn music.