Archive for August 2010

Movie Night Meal: Troll 2

August 31, 2010

What more can be said about Troll 2? It’s already known as the worst movie of all time. There’s an entire documentary dedicated to how bad it is. But we did our best to find new ways to make fun of it at our most recent movie night. Following in the footsteps of Willow and Leprechaun, this is another movie heavily featuring midgets. And since Troll 2 is such a mishmash of garbage, we paired it with a menu of “clean out your fridge” potluck dishes. And lots and lots of booze, of course.

Troll 2 (1990, directed by Claudio Fragasso) is not actually a sequel to Troll. But the distributer realized it was shit, so they thought pretending it was a sequel might drum up some more box office. The plot is about the Waits family who go spend the summer in the small town that happens to be overrun by trolls goblins. (The town is called “Nilbog.” Shoutout to all my dyslexics! Woop woop!).

Our assorted and random menu items included:

Cheesy Breadsticks (because the movie is cheesy, amirite?)
Black Bean and Corn Salad (because the movie is corny! High five!)
French Fries (because the movie is bad for your health! Zing!)
Peanut Butter Cream Pie (because the movie is nutty!! ROTFLMAOJO)
Chips and Salsa (because this movie is… Mexican?)

Yes, the movie was bad. Yes, the acting was awful. Yes, the goblin costumes were hilariously cheap. I haven’t seen Best Worst Movie yet, and I didn’t see Troll 2 in a theater filled with its Rocky Horror-style fanbase, so I have no clue if the things we made fun of are the easy targets that have been said before. But let’s be honest, this entire movie is an easy target.

I’ll start with the actors. And as much as I blame them for being awful, apparently the director demanded they recite their lines word-for-word from the script. And by the way, the director didn’t speak English. The kid who played young Joshua grew up to direct the documentary Best Worst Movie, but none of them really went on to a long film career by any means. Even in 1990, the cast was less a who’s-who and more of a who-the-fuck?

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Song of the Day: Perky Boobs and Primates Edition

August 23, 2010

Walt Disney’s well-stacked muse, Annettee Funicello teamed up with the not-yet-psychedelic Beach Boys for  “The Monkey’s Uncle,” a song/movie they all probably wish never happened.

I, however, am forever grateful.

Stuff Someone Else Said

August 15, 2010

“There was a donkey-zebra born at a zoo. A zedonk… They’re going to name it Obama. ‘Cause it’s a Democrat and it’s mixed.”

-Frank Kramer

’80s Movies You Forgot Became TV Shows

August 8, 2010

Any child of the ’80s remembers some of our favorite films being reincarnated as TV shows (RobocopHarry and the Hendersons, Beetlejuice. Even Muppet Babies was based on a scene from Muppets Take Manhattan). The most memorable for me was Ghostbusters (which for some reason was called The Real Ghostbusters as a cartoon… shouldn’t the live-action one be called “real” instead of the animated one? That was my logic at age five and I’m sticking to it). The movie-to-TV adaptations even continued into later decades, with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and currently Friday Night Lights and Parenthood (which was already a TV show in the ’90s). But this trend hit its peak with ’80s movies, where seemingly every hit film was shortened, given a laugh track (or animated), and filled with less-famous actors in the lead roles. Needless to say, most of them didn’t last too long.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Remember what I said about less famous actors in the lead roles? Just ask Matthew Broderick if he was nervous about Charlie Schlatter nipping at the heels of his fame. I think Broderick slept just fine at night.

Replacement Cast: Jennifer Aniston for Jennifer Grey. Charlie Schlatter for Matthew Broderick. Ami Dolenz for Mia Sara.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Returning Cast: Ray Walston as Mr. Hand. Vincent Schiavelli as Mr. Vargas.

Replacement Cast: Courtney Thorne-Smith for Jennifer Jason Leigh. Dean Cameron for Sean Penn. Patrick Dempsey for Robert Romanus. Claudia Wells for Phoebe Cates (Wells knew a thing or two about replacements, having been replaced by Elisabeth Shue in Back to the Future Part II and Part III).

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

I assume the weed jokes were removed for the cartoon version. Or not. Kids are stupid, they probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Returning Cast: Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, and George Carlin all voiced their original characters.

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