Movie Hookers vs. Real Life Hookers

I recently watched Billy Wilder’s 1963 comedy Irma La Douce, in which Shirley MacLaine plays an impossibly cute prostitute who falls in love with a cop played by Jack Lemmon. Now, I had a few problems with the movie, one being the plotline where Jack Lemmon’s character takes over as Shirley MacLaine’s pimp.

Yes, Jack Lemmon. As a pimp.


Do not be fooled. He will slap a bitch.

But what really stuck with me was how wholesome and sweet Irma La Douce, titular prostitute, was.


Aw, what an adorable sex worker.

It got me thinking about the years and years I’ve been lied to by Hollywood about the reality of whores. By golly, they’re not all as fresh-faced and precious as movies lead us to believe.

So before you go running downtown to look for a supermodel streetwalker who will quickly become the love of your life, here’s a quick visual aid to help you distinguish between movie hookers and real-life hookers:

Movie Hooker                                    Real Life Hooker

Movie Hooker                                    Real Life Hooker
(an Oscar-winning hooker role)

Movie Hooker                                           Real Life Hooker

Movie Hooker                                           Real Life Hooker
(another Oscar-winning hooker role)

Movie Hooker                                           Real Life Hooker

Movie Hooker                                        Real Life Hooker

Movie Hooker                                              Real Life Hooker
(yet another Oscar-winning hooker role)

Movie Hooker                                           Real Life Hooker

Movie Hooker                                    Real Life Hooker
(and another Oscar-winning hooker role!)*

*The Academy loves them hoes!

Movie Hooker                                           Real Life Hooker

Alright. Lesson learned?

Note: This visual aid turned out much sadder and less sexy than I initially anticipated.

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6 Comments on “Movie Hookers vs. Real Life Hookers”

  1. Krys Says:

    This is an epidemic that has haunted Hollywood since its inception. Hoes don’t look that good, even the professional ones are hiding something shady underneath. Pretty Woman was always the one hooker movie that got under my skin more than anything else. Roberts teeth were too damn white, too straight, and she didn’t have any track marks on her arms. Plus, she meets the one “John” in LA who’s willing to respect her and give her free access to his credit cards?! Whatever!

  2. Chiyo Says:

    Why do all the real life hookers look like dudes? At least the prettiest of them all was Asian. Rep that shit, girl. Ooooooooweee!

  3. Dan Says:

    Wasn’t your college thesis (or something?) about a hooker? you are surely an authority on the matter, and Im glad that you have brought this farce to light. Chiyo stole my first thought…

  4. Jann Says:

    You have a blog! Finally.
    My life has meaning again, as I have a goal: to make it in your blog.


  5. […] presents Movie Hookers vs. Real Life Hookers posted at White and […]

  6. Alias Says:

    Good story!


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