Archive for March 2010

Happy Creepy Birthday, Christopher Walken!

March 31, 2010

Let’s face it, Christopher Walken is always good, so he deserves some recognition on his 67th birthday.

This man has done everything. He’s been scary, he’s been funny, he’s been Asian, he’s been studly, he’s been scary, he’s been an Oscar-winner, he’s been blonde, he’s been jazzy, he’s been scary, he’s been heart-wrenching, he’s been family-friendly, he’s been dramatic, and he’s been scary.

What’s your favorite Christopher Walken movie? Playing Villain #3 in Batman Returns is up there for me.


Your “Runaways” Follow-Up Appointment

March 29, 2010

Caution: Video may contain Dakota Fanning in underwear.

The Runaways was released last week in select cities (it opens wide April 9), starring Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning as Cherie Currie. If you happened to catch it already, you no doubt have a few things on your mind (like how is it legal for Dakota to be lezzing it up with K. Stew?). If you’re a fan of The Runaways (the band), you might want to learn more about them (like reading Cherie Currie’s autobiography or seeing the documentary about the band). If you’re a fan of The Runaways (the movie), here are some other flicks you might enjoy:

If you saw it because you like Twilight

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

1982’s Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains is another movie about a teen girl punk band. How is it like the beloved vampire-teen-romance novels/movies, you ask? Well, if you love Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, you no doubt have a tolerance for pouty, monotone teenage girls, and Diane Lane plays one in this movie. If you love Edward Cullen, you’re still in luck because once Lane’s character turns punk, she too has pale white skin and neatly-styled hair. And if you love the dialogue of Twilight… actually, then maybe you should just watch Josie and the Pussycats.

If you saw it because you like 1970’s glam rock…

New York Doll

Like The Runaways, The New York Dolls are a seminal (and under-appreciated) 1970’s rock band. They helped usher in glam, punk, and metal before breaking up after only a few albums (they rocked the hair metal look before Tommy Lee even knew what fellatio was). New York Doll is a 2005 documentary focusing on Arthur “Killer” Kane, bassist for The New York Dolls who became a devout Mormon but never gave up hope that the band might reunite. If you liked the soundtrack to The Runaways, The New York Dolls are a band you’ll want to check out.

If you saw it because you like jailbait…


To see the real Cherie Currie in action, check out 1980’s Foxes. It follows a group of teenage girls (including Currie and Jodie Foster) as they party it up in Hollywood. All the late ’70s styles featured in The Runaways are here: feathered hair, platform shoes, Quaaludes, and Scott Baio on a skateboard (who is not actually in The Runaways movie, but he should be). Currie plays Annie, the slutty lush of the group. So you can watch this to compare Fanning’s slutty lush to the real deal Cherie Currie.

Feel free to complete these assignments at your leisure. You will not be graded.

Stuff Somebody Else Said

March 25, 2010

“It’s like so stupid, because all these hipster fuckers dress like nerds, wear nerd fucking glasses, and then they are afraid of not looking cool. It’s like, you already look like an idiot. You got nothing to lose.”

-Chiyo Takemoto, on why people don’t dance at parties


Movie Night Meal: Leprechaun

March 23, 2010

Yes, friends. Another movie night, another Warwick Davis film. But this past week we had our reasons, as it was St. Patrick’s Day Week (yes, I celebrate the entire week). So naturally, we held a little viewing of Leprechaun. On the menu? Why, green food and Guinness, of course.

Leprechaun (1993, directed by Mark Jones) is a horror movie about an evil leprechaun (Davis) doing all he can (which includes skateboard-riding, ear-biting, and general tomfoolery) to steal back his gold coins from Jennifer Aniston and the retards she hangs out with. Our green-themed menu (color-wise. We don’t give a shit about the environment) was:

Garden Salad
Spinach & Artichoke Tortilla Chips
Green-dyed Shells & Cheese
Twice-Baked Pesto Potaotes*
*recipe below

I remember being so scared of Leprechaun as a kid that I got nervous when kids in school even talked about the movie. I hadn’t even seen anything besides the VHS cover, but that was enough for me. Through the years (now that I am manly and macho and no longer afraid of horror movies), I’ve caught the movie in bits and pieces, but this was the first time I watched it from beginning to end. Some lasting impressions:

-The minute I saw Jennifer Aniston and her big bangs, I knew she would mention a shopping mall within her first five minutes on screen. Turns out it happens about 40 seconds in. Yay for malls being the only way to characterize teenage girls in 1980’s and ’90s movies (see also: Honey, I Shrunk the Kids).

-I must admit that Warwick Davis is infinitely less awesome as Leprechaun (wait, did he have a name?) than he was as Willow. I think Leppy simply had a weaker character arc, I hate to say.

-Bad movie cliche #2: Aniston’s character bonds with her love interest by painting the house, and what do you know? They get strategically-placed paint all over their clothes and upper-arms! Man, if I could count the number of times I’ve painted a room with someone while falling in love with them, it would be… once. And even then, we skipped the falling in love part.

-Mark Holton (Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure) plays said love interest’s co-worker, and Wikipedia labels his character as “autistic.” I’m not sure if that’s what the story was going for, but I can see it.

-Am I missing something or are leprechauns known to be evil? I thought they were just troublemakers. Then again, the Bavarian Ministry thought that guy with the weird mustache ranting at the beer hall was just a troublemaker, and he ended up being Hitler.



Your “Alice in Wonderland” Follow-Up Appointment

March 22, 2010

For the third week in a row, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland has come in #1 at the box office. Burton’s version shows Alice traveling back to Wonderland as a teenager to help save the day. Whether it be the familiarity of the story, the curiosity of another odd Johnny Depp performance, or the fact that it’s in 3-D, the movie has obviously struck a chord with audiences. So this is a post for those who have seen the movie. Don’t worry, I won’t be spoiling anything (the Mad Hatter gets Alice pregnant!). Instead I want to suggest some “further reading” for you to tackle if you saw and/or liked the movie. Now, on to your assignment:

If you saw it because you like Tim Burton…


Tim Burton seems to be becoming more and more successful as the years go on, but it’s never a bad idea to go back and visit his older work. Back in 1988, when Johnny Depp was still on 21 Jump Street, Burton teamed up with his future Batman, Michael Keaton, and made Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice shows us how creative the director could be despite 1988’s technology. Tim didn’t need computer animation. He had Michael Fucking Keaton, Alec The Stud Baldwin, and Geena Whatup-Pretty-Lady Davis. Still, all the Burtonian elements are here: the quirky characters, the Danny Elfman music, the wild and colorful set design, the wispy, Gothic heroine (in this case, Winona Ryder). While Alice in Wonderland may be sleek and pretty, the rougher and dirtier (that’s what she said) Beetlejuice is still one of Burton’s best.

If you saw it because you like magical fantasy worlds…


Jim Henson directed Labyrinth in 1986 with the help of George Lucas, David Bowie, and David Bowie’s bulge. Like Alice, it features a young girl (Jennifer Connelly) who travels into a mystical land; this one filled with riddles, magic, strange creatures, and midgets in puppet costumes. If you thought Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter is off the wall, check out David Bowie’s Goblin King. Depp has method acting and modern computer effects at his disposal. All Bowie had was a can of hairspray and some tights, and he made that shit work.

If you saw it because you like semi-sequels to beloved children’s stories…

Return to Oz

This is not your mother’s “Over the Rainbow” Wizard of Oz. 1985’s Return to Oz is goddamn terrifying. Wheelers! Headless Women! Rock Monsters! Creepy Witch Lady from Willow! Electro-fucking-shock therapy! THIS IS A KID’S MOVIE?! Fairuza Balk takes over for Judy Garland to give you and your children nightmares. Tim Burton may have the reputation of being a weirdo, but even he couldn’t be as demented as the monster who made this movie. Watch it with the lights on.

Feel free to leave a comment if you venture forth and complete the assignment. But no need to complete it right away. Nobody likes a teacher’s pet.


I would seriously put this on my iPod

March 18, 2010

I do find it unacceptable, however, that Growing Pains, Saved by the Bell, The Golden Girls, and Who’s the Boss? were not included.

“Show me that smile again (show me that smile)…” You know that song’s the shit. Wouldda fit right in.


If you didn’t already have a crush on Zooey Deschanel, you will after this

March 16, 2010

I never realized that She & Him attend the same school as the kids from Glee and High School Musical.