Movie Night Meal: Willow

Every few weeks, I get together with some of my favorite drunks friends to watch a cheesy movie and eat some food that fits that particular movie’s theme. In the past we’ve done Drop Dead Fred with kid food (PB&J sandwiches, Sloppy Joe’s, mac & cheese), Phantasm with ball-shaped foods (Swedish meatballs, sweet & sour meatballs, cheese balls, bon bons), Road House with barbecue (pulled pork sandwiches, potato salad), and the amazing-beyond-words The Room with macho food (Salisbury steak, beef & cheddar mac).

Our most recent viewing was Willow with miniature foods.

Willow (1988, directed by Ron Howard) stars Warwick Davis as a dwarf who saves a baby princess from goblins, wicked queens, two-headed monsters, and bitchy redheads.

The menu included:

Sliders*
Mini Chicken Pot Pies
Mini Quesadillas
Mini Ravioli
Doughnut Holes
Coronitas
*recipe below

The movie was far less cheesy than I expected (or remembered) it to be, and aside from the obvious and tasteless midget jokes, we were hard-pressed to make fun of the movie throughout. Some things I did notice:

-Warwick Davis is pretty awesome. If Peter Dinklage can play non-elf/goblin/troll/leprechaun roles, why don’t we see more of Warwick (minus makeup) in movies today?

-Val Kilmer has some seriously luxurious hair in this movie. That shit had shimmer and shine.

-Joanne Whalley’s character has possibly the world’s quickest turnaround in this movie. She goes from megabitch of the century, doing all she can to kill a baby, to suddenly becoming the movie’s heroine once she gets a few winks from Val. Who knew that getting some Kilmer lovin’ was the cure for infanticidal tendencies?

-Why do the Brownies (played by Kevin Pollack and another dude) have stereotypical Mexican accents? That was weird.

-The ’80s special effects were pretty gnarly, but this was the first movie to use a “morphing” effect (that’s right, it wasn’t Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” music video).

-On a side note, 7-ounce bottles of Coronitas are ideal for making small-handed gentlemen feel manly.

Willow-style Sliders Recipe:

1 lb. ground sirloin (that’s a kind of beef)
1 packet of powdered onion soup mix (stay classy)
1 12-pack of brown-and-serve rolls (like Aunt Millie’s or Van deKamp’s brand. Just look in the bread aisle, dummy)
1 jar of dill pickle chips

Preheat the oven to 400ºF.

Put the sirloin into a mixing bowl with the onion soup powder and mix with your hands until it’s all blended together. Put a frying pan over medium heat and roll the beef into 12 balls, each a little larger than golf ball-sized. Put the burgers into the frying pan and squish them down with a spatula as they cook. Brown the burgers, about 5 minutes on each side. If they’re still bleeding, cook them longer. If they turn black, you cooked them too long and ruined dinner. Good going.

While the burgers are cooking, cut each roll in half and place them on a baking sheet. Bake the rolls for 5-10 minutes, until they start to brown slightly.

Place each burger patty on a bun. Top it with a pickle chip and whatever condiment you prefer (I’m a mustard guy. Maybe that says something about me).

Eat them. Preferably while watching Willow.

If you have any movie or food ideas for future movie nights, go ahead and leave them in the comments.

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3 Comments on “Movie Night Meal: Willow”

  1. Chiyo Says:

    Willow has the biggest hands, and it’s not even because he’s a midge or whatever…He just has some really big fucking hands. Like, he could probably palm a basketball, or watermelon. Def could handle a watermelon.

  2. Eli Says:

    “On a side note, 7-ounce bottles of Coronitas are ideal for making small-handed gentlemen feel manly.”

    You know I need these. My shit is mad dainty yo.


  3. […] to find new ways to make fun of it at our most recent movie night. Following in the footsteps of Willow and Leprechaun, this is another movie heavily featuring midgets. And since Troll 2 is such a […]


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